honor | reverb
2005-12-25 : 1:35 a.m. "waitress"
she was the last person i expected to pull this shit.
i thought she was the reason i had it (which she was).
now i'm the reason she has it and it's ironic. our wealthy, yet contagious diseases. we're together in that. i hate her so much it makes me ill, yet we're so alike. we're both so insecure we can't function. we both wish we had things we don't so badly that we punish ourselves like "the grass is always greener." we both force ourselves to act differently. we both restrict to make everything seem okay. we both adapt to our surroundings because we're too scared to stand out.
the memories come flooding back. by myself next to a dinosaur, the smell of the grasses by which they "ate." i can't feel better. i can't feel closer - food is the only thing that brings them closer together. i've always been on the outside - no surprises there.
and to think i'm jealous of her ; this is NEW to her. this is MY LIFE to me. this is the past 6 months for her, the past 6 years for me. why would i feel like i am more of a failure than she is?
oh right, because i am.
and i've been drinking, which is always lovely.
she just... has always stolen my prize. she's always stolen my prize...