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honor | reverb

2005-12-26 : 10:49 p.m.

"reese"

christmas was okay. it's over now, thank god. i fucking hate the holidays. i hate everything. except some things.
bryan got me things i love. i hopefully will never really care about stuff, but these things are not only awesome, they're a testament to how well bryan knows me.

• gilmore girls season 5 on dvd. i cried, i cried, i cried.
• descendents - everything sucks (i've never owned it, but i've listened to it for like.. 8 years)
• dead kennedys - fresh fruit for rotting vegetables (same story as above)
• a flask! a pretty one, too.
• the complete william blake
• swedish fish!
• a cd just for me. a 5 song ep with re-interpreted covers, "songs that should have been written for alex." i cried for at least an hour, full sobs..

i have so much to do, i don't really know how i'm going to get through next semester. this "break" has been more stressful than it was during the semester.
christmas.
that girl.
i couldn't -- WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? i told her YOU LIE all the time they're everywhere you're one of them ALWAYS LYING to make yourself feel different or distinguished but they said to you WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE you are JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE you have NOTHING to stand out you are going NOWHERE this is YOUR OWN CREATION your own DEVIL and i got down... i got down so far i couldn't come back and they make me breathe and they make me sit still and no it's just from trying to be healthy, no i never liked those...
and then i won, i won in her face and i realized
i'm lying, i'm one of them
who isn't?
i'm not doing this for you, i'm not doing this for me. is there anyone who gives me a sense of redemption?

my dreams are scary. because they're wrong, they make me feel better...

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