honor | reverb
04.24.06 : 09:26 "simple alternatives"
i don't know what i feel.
i want to go back to bed. i'm not going to go to lab tonight.
directly to the left of my spine has been hurting a lot lately.
i hate fighting. i think i went far away. i don't feel much. i know a long time ago, during the period of about last summer until about the last winter, i kept saying, you have to take better care of me, help me with this, otherwise i'm going to go far away.
last night, that comment (& justification) broke my heart. it pushed me out. i kept repeating myself during that 9 month period. apparently, it meant nothing. the word "urgency" has had no impact.
i'm lost.
i want to be with him, but i don't want to be treated with daisies and ignorant (potentially subconscious) hostility.
my needs are NOT less important, i don't shy away from helping him with the challenges he faces that make me uncomfortable because i LOVE him, that's what love is.
he won't help me with or talk about mine.
what does that say?
i don't want to think about it.